While I contemplate in my warm shower water I think of all the people who want to move to warmer climates.  As I am in the shower this will be an interesting read for you, basically a dead give away for an attention getter, but hey I am naked in the shower!  I think of how much I, myself, dislike the weather and would like to leave this area as well.  Then I think about how awesome Minneapolis is; how our climate is insane, how the people are Minnesota Nice, and how we survive said issues with the weather by boozing, socializing, learning, and trying to relax.  I thought about it for a while and I thought I would write some of what I thought down.  Here it goes.

Where I wake up it is dark not because of the time but because of the constant cloud coverage.  I can sleep all day long and not even feel bad about it because its literally almost impossible to judge the time of day by the light coming through the shades, mostly because there is very little light coming through.  This poses a threat to your Vitamin D intake, I would look into it, my roommate got some Vitamin D to take.  I need to take some.  Also, I try not to be drowsy during the day but the lack of sun makes me tired.  Being tired isn’t bad, it’s awesome because it means you get to sleep soon, whether you like it or not.  Weather, I like it or not.

Where you can walk to a friend’s house and have the beverages in your backpack remain as cold or colder than they were when you last took them out of the fridge.  I have found this very helpful when drinking really cheap beverages that don’t taste good.  Another good thing about Minnesota is the cheap beverage availability; they will help you stay warm and you can purchase them on just about every other block they are usually right next to churches and grocery stores.  Stay hydrated and remain calm, its only tradition and it lasts about 6 months of the year.

Where everyone on the street is dressed like a bank robber.  If you wear a ski mask, boots, a black hoodie, a coat and some leather gloves then you are either about to do a bank heist or you are walking nonchalantly through the Minneapolis streets to a predetermined destination for a little socialization.  What other state besides Alaska is it acceptable to cover most of your face up in, especially in social situations, and consider it practical?  I feel like a pirate, a western cowboy, a ninja, and a mummy combined into one.  I probably walk funny in the snow.  I still wear the least practical shoes of all time for winter endeavors; that is, Chuck Taylor’s of course.  I am a hipster according to my friends so I have to keep up my rep.  I can’t feel my feet when I walk most places and I have to wear a minimum of two pars of socks.  No, my feet aren’t swollen!  These socks are cool, right?  That sentence did not make sense, but I am sure it will.  Socks are always cool literally they are never as warm as you think.

Where you can see multiple car accidents on merely a single walk around the block.  These are pretty much free and local Nascar events that happen spontaneously right in front of you, most of the time the drivers involved have no idea until after.  They look confused while telling a meaningless story and then its sort of a bump on the head and an exchange of personal information, plus minus some time and cash for sure.  I laugh inside.  These pseudo Nascar events are more like demolition derbies with more diversity in language, appearance, no game plans, and they are completely avoidable if it weren’t for the snow, parked cars, and ignorant drivers.  There is no safety gear really its just a strap and some metal holding you back.

Where else can the homeless make igloos?  Never have I ever seen this, but I thought it was a good idea.  I would do it.  What happened to ingenuity?  I am too smart to be homeless-maybe some day though.

Where else do people hope, pray, and beg for 40-degree weather?  This is no joke, I love 40-degree weather and I will believe it is happening until I am out the door and freezing because I lied to myself and in turn underdressed.  If you layer you can always take something off, but I will tell you that you cannot add on once you have left and are getting frostbite outside on the street.  I hate this saying more than anything cause I feel the less clothes in any situation is the best.  You will need to run or turn back, and fast!  Weather-extremists may enjoy Minnesota even when walking to a car or down the block.  Forget being mugged as the temperature is way more likely to assault you than another human being.  It must be hard to pull a gun and attempt to mug someone when you could lose a hand from the cold, or even worse get your gat stuck to your hands, face, or tongue as they do in movies.  I dare you to lick that metal pole you see on the street, they weren’t lying about anything.  What a faux pas.

This is a place where parking can give you a mental disorder and where the wind can tear your face to dried strips of beef-face-jerky.  My feet, face, hands, legs, eyes, lips, mouth, teeth, bone, and soul hurt from the cold.  We are truly touched by weather. What keeps me here is God’s gift to me- a beautiful feeling that comes from bicycling to the beach, just a memory now.  A hidden secret location, natives know and foreigners have never dreamt of.  Minnesota is tough sometimes.  I have a park with a pond in it in my front yard and a glacier of snow, salt, and ice in the back.  Do you?  Who can say that?  I don’t cry cause its cold, I walk in it.  There is no excuse to be inside.  Well, I guess there is.  I sat inside all morning after a drive downtown and a Rockstar energy drink purchase, they had no char-coal for a park picnic in January.  Weird.  It seemed beneficial to relax off the cold that I just acquired.  I opened the blinds and asked how it was outside with only one reply.  I knew it was cold.  I put on my shoes, I buttoned my coat, kiss goodbye and was outside walking.  I found it rather warm after a bit.  Cold is one hundred percent perception, like everything else.


About Terry Scott Niebeling

Hello, My name is Terry Scott, a human being with flaws. twitter: @sirterryscott Buy my ebooks:
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