To get to the person I love I would stop at nothing. I would sleep in until I was late for any scheduled appointment. I would study words so I could articulate exactly how I feel at an exact moment. I would lose myself. I would die. I would come back from the grave and tell whoever whatever to get closer to what I love.
However, I would not have to run far…
I woke up again, slapping the alarm clock into a coma. The sleep, and the dreams within the next half hour of sleep, would take me back. I would smell the past, taste the past, feel the past, and now I am the past, or at least that moment is. I woke up and I could see a square of sunlight on my cabinet, which is my closet, which is located in my pantry, or rather room. I woke up and stared at that square of light for 5 minutes and then my alarm clock spoke-up again. The wood that was illuminated is of a dark red wood, it is cheap and it is sticky to the touch in the right weather. I focused and noticed how messy my room had become. All the fucking, all the drinking, all the nights of abandoning my bed to fall onto others had come at a cost. The cost dishevelment, unkempt delight in my residence, I live in a crude pantry of dirty clothes, dirty sex, dirty thoughts, and most of all dirty work. I guess the latter is more closely defined as less of an amount than the second mentioned in the list. I guess. I only guess because I don’t care. I don’t care because I don’t want to know. That is how it is.
It is about 90 degrees out, and I am afraid that asking for warmth all winter will have me asking for cold all summer. Minnesota. I walked the hills today. I did not walk alone I was occupy with a friend. I have trespassed on land, which I do not own, which no one owns, which is owned by someone. I have passed through the trees picking up parasite and fungi to only regret the first. I trekked on muddy slops through thickets of downed trees, only to smoke them. We turned up mushrooms and they presented us with the chance to make a pizza. Morel pizza. More pizza. End.
I write a lot and I am right a lot.