Yesterday was the first day of my planned celibacy. It turned out to be a good day. I mentioned to my running partner that I was undertaking this quest. She immediately told me that would be hard because I live next door to her. I thought about it and I think it will work out. I could barely run five miles and not think about sex. On the other hand I could barely run five miles without bitching about it. I think I will make it to 40 days though. She almost left me and ran ahead without me, but I shut my mouth and sucked it up.
I really don’t like the movie 40 days and 40 nights, and since I have met Josh Hartnett, I am truly not that excited about this whole no sex thing. He seems uneasy in his own skin. I imagine him in The Virgin Suicides as he pours me a shot of whisky from behind the bar. He was playing some songs of his own at the bar, because he knows the bartender, hands in the air everyone. Its Minnesota and its negative 30 out, hands in the air my friends. Shoot me, I took the shot and said thanks. Josh was actually very nice even though he seemed awkward. I think he is a better actor than most let on, he is decent looking and he bought me a shot; he is all right in my book. I will watch The Virgin Suicides again, but I will not watch Pearl Harbor again, ever.
Yesterday I woke up, went running, and then texted a friend from a while back. Her boyfriend replied to me via text and told me to “suck a cock faggot”. Apparently someone who does not own their own cell phone and scams off of their girlfriend’s is allowed to use such language. I replied with, “good joke. Jealous much? Grow up.” I didn’t hear back. I hope she has a good day, and needless to say we did not go to the beach.
After the cell phone incident I went and got our mail. The ladies never get the mail so as usual every bit of mail we got was crushed to bits by the forceful insertion by the mailman. Thank you mailman. I pulled the mail out, in crumpled pieces, and read a letter from school that said they would drop me from all of my classes if I didn’t figure out a payment plan. I went back inside and reinstated my fafsa. I thought this would take a long time, but it only took a minute or five.
I then proceeded to bike to the bike shop. Because Abby told me to pick up a bike tire pump and a flat screen television, I thought I would at least get one of these items. I went for the bike pump. I purchased a bike pump, which no one had ever bought, apparently, and I really fucked myself here. Never buy something that has not been tested. The only reason I bought the bike pump was because the girl behind the counter had nice cleavage and she kept smiling at me and telling me I would look hot with this very bike pumped. I got conned into buying a crappy bike pump by a girl, a cute girl at that. I got outside and realized that this bike tire pump sucked, so I went back inside, after trying to pump my tires up for 40 minutes. To the workers disdain I requested a full refund, which was promptly given, and then I made the girl with the nice cleavage fill my bike tires. It was extremely sexual and then I left.
I then walked across the street and as I was walking a girl in a car, Amber, waved me down and told me Beth was a block away. I met up with Beth and we went to Cheapos to get some cash for her CDs. I then told Beth we were going to Sebastian Joe’s to get some ice cream. We went and saw some fools from kickball, we told them they better be on our team or we hoped they die. We ate ice cream, it was amazing then we went to the liquor store and got some drinks for kickball. I got a 40 in honor of my 40 days and 40 nights. All geared up for drinking we went back to Beth’s and watched The Big Lebowski and drank. I had this crazy mango rum drink at Beth’s I was feeling great, we then got up and biked to kickball.
Kickball was very intense. Everyone was in a great mood and people were being loud and getting down. On the hillside above the kickball field some guys were beating a computer with a baseball bat, later, they threw dynamite in it and the computer was blown to bits. Those guys jumped in their car and took off.
The team names at Kickball were as followed: The Winehousers, the other team, and The Rehabers, the team I was on and the team that won. The sky was beautiful at dusk. A Loon flew over our game and people stood awestruck. The game was close at the end. People were throwing beers around and cussing. We won the game probably because of the amount of drinks we had and the impending darkness being on our side. We lined up and gave our good sportsmanship high fives, then Beth and I, and the rest of the kickball team proceeded to go to the VFW. We drank lots and I ate some of Beth’s pizza as I became sloppy drunk and told her I would miss her when she is gone. She is moving to Seattle in September. She basically told me to grow up and that she appreciated it. I got some numbers, which will be of no use within the next 40 days, and then after the Twins won their game we left to go back to Beth’s.
Beth and I are strictly platonic so I did not fail my 40 days and nights quest. Beth and I watched The Big Lebowski again and I passed out in her bed while she finished the movie with Amber. I think I ate 4 bowls of pasta salad before I passed out and upon waking up I realized I lost my bike lock. Beth said, “What day is it, is it Wednesday? Is it 11 am on Wednesday?” I said yes. I Got up and found my bike lock laying next to my bike, unlocked, on the basement floor of Beth’s apartment. It would have been fun to find my bike lock and not my bike, I thought. I got on my bike, gave Beth a high five and biked home. I checked the note which I put on my car, which reads: Go fuck yourself, if you have a problem with my parking come to Apt 20 or call 612 598 1299, thanks have a great day. No call, and no one had come up to talk. I think if you have something to say and can’t put your name behind it there is a problem with what you are saying, that is what Beth told me. So tell me what you think and leave a message with your name. Minnesota is pretty passive aggressive as Beth said, I agree with her. I think I will be aggressive from now on.
Day one success.