Frustrated- I am writing to avoid situations and I am getting more and more into them. I think that FDAFN is sort of a sham, but I am remaining strong. I miss my guy friends and my family. I do not miss sex at all. I think I miss the thought of it more than anything. Mind over matter, right?
I sort of felt that everyone wanted to have a part in this, but then I realized I had no part in this. I had lost the reason why I was doing this. Forcing my body to not have sex for 40 days was going to be hard if I had no reason to do it. So I decided to think about it and come up with one. I have been thinking for about a week or two now and I still have no reason. I think I am just going to do it for fun. Sounds weird, but it is weird, and I am going to do it. Dan said I should not abandon something like this, something with promise.
I realized the more that I thought about not having sex the more I wanted to have sex. Then I thought, ah forget it.
Advice: I think that I know all of the secrets to having sex, but I won’t tell you all of them. For one, I think that for as good looking as most people can be, the most opportune time to get laid is when you are at your ugliest; I have never went into a room feeling like the best dressed, best looking person, and ever been successful as I wanted to be. I usually have sex when I have horrible breakouts on my face, when I am wearing the lamest clothing, or when I feel like I am less attractive than the bum who sits on Lyndale in front of The Wedge feels. That is when I am the best. Maybe I have lost it, but I do know this. It is not what you look like, but what you feel like that gets you places. I have learned that throughout my life and this week and last it has proven true more than ever.
Day 3 and Day 4: These days consisted of running. Not thinking about sex. Not having sex. I was Hanging with my neighbor, my ex, and Ryan, who was in town from CA and CBerg. The day that Ryan came into town I ran to Hidden and back and when I got back I noticed a missed call. This call was from Ryan, from his girlfriends phone. I called him back and within an hour I was at the bar, on a Thursday morning, around 11 am. I have no money and I have a credit card spending problem now that I have abandoned sex.
I think I have more cotton in my bellybutton, in lint, than I do on my 2 year old whitey tighties. I think my mom needs to go shopping. This kid is styling and classy.
Paper in the ashtray outside makes me think of the time I put out a cigarette at Rainbow and the whole thing caught on fire, cause there was paper in there too.
What would you say if you got offered drugs and money for your identification? I would say no, I did.
Day 3, 4, and 5 are pieces of cakes. I think the next few are going to be a bit harder. Harder, oh no.
Last night I was privilege of seeing The Big Lebowski in theaters. Everyone is like I saw it when it first came out. I saw it in theaters last night eat that you sad fools. Eat that.
I have been working for the past 3 days straight and I think I hate working, but I love my job. I work at a Co-operative, I make money, food, and jokes. I only get paid for one of these jobs.
Let me expound on something: this is extremely easy. I am taking all comers. I said. Bring it. I am all ears, eyes, arms, legs, and thought. What did you think?
On to day 6-wish me luck.
Abby- “why are you staying in?” Terry: “to write.” Abby-“Have you been masturbating?” Terry: “Yes, but no sex.” Abby- “You broke your rules.” Terry: “I broke my rules.”
You got to love yourself though…