Star of The Bachelor Dies in Horrific Thinking Accident

The show the Bachelor is a phenomenon, a hit, and seriously a fucking joke.  Ben is dead, thank God.  He died yesterday in a mysterious thought process accident.

This is copied and pasted from a very credible source:

Feb. 7th, 2012, The Truth Press, New York, NY:

“The star of The Bachelor (Ben) has recently died in a horrific thinking accident (hypothetically) because of the lack of oxygen to his brain, and a sheer lack of potential in any question posed by the women asking the questions (and seeking his heart).  One witness said:  “You would have thought that he (Ben) had never had a single solid thought in his life ever before his fatal epiphany.”  It is just sad…”

End quote.

His death is the least of our worries though, as Americans, the real problem is how simple minded we are as a society to actually view this show with any excitement at all.  Although there are many similarities between the GOP Debates and The Bachelor; the candidates are trying to court America and some dipshit, the candidates in both are brain-dead, and the moderators of both are money hungry whores (The Media, and That creepy guy that walks out at the end of The Bachelor), there is no real reason to hold The Bachelor high on the viewing pedestal.  There is no real reason to watch The Bachelor whatsoever; however, there is reason to watch the GOP Debates and Primary, because the Republican Candidates are actually reality t.v. stars disguised as potential leaders (I am using potential in the loosest form possible).  This makes them extremely exciting and unpredictable, the debates are proof positive of how important and breathtaking television can be.  This is where the money is at, in reality television.  No one really wants to run a country trillions of dollars in debt, have to give speeches all the time, be surrounded by men in suits at all times while they chat on their bluetooths, and then most of all have listen to the other side’s political bitching.  No one.  They just want to be stars.  I wouldn’t even a presidential gig for good pay, well maybe a couple hundred million, but I promise I wouldn’t change anything only what you wanted me to change.  They are basking in the limelight of reality television.  The similarities are scary and represent how shallow America is about really serious shit.

I know this because I know this:  My roommate knows, she watches The Bachelor every week, and I sort of try to not watch it every week with her.  Love you.

-What a joke that show is.

***

I thought the whole Bachelor thing was funny until I found out a few days ago that a doctor put out a book, just recently, that suggested sedentary lifestyles are deadly.  No way.  This can’t be true…

I thought this was funnier.  I have been saying this ever since I took a Nutrition class at MCTC.

You know what is really deadly?  Not using your fucking brain.  Wake up, get outside, and avoid processed foods.  Don’t buy the book, don’t waste your time.  Get a life and grow up.  Think globally, act locally.

I am not a registered Dietitian, so maybe don’t take everything I say so literally.  This is not the Bible, this is discussion of The Bachelor/GOP Debates and lack of brain power Americans choose not to use, and its influence on society as a whole.

***

Secondly, what kind of guy owns a vineyard and can’t find love, let alone a single girl to put up with his shit?  I know people (like myself) who find love wherever, whenever, anytime, and most of the people I know who find love don’t own a vineyard, and aren’t rich.

We have all found love in a back alley, under a bridge, on a steamboat, in a hot tub, in the back of a mini van, and in your mother’s bed, but why can’t this rich guy with a vineyard find love???  I am completely baffled.

I ride a bike, I am a dishwasher, I have little to no money, I have acne, and I am moderately balding, yet by some miracle I know girls who would not mind being my companion.

You want to know why Ben couldn’t find love?  Because Ben hadn’t found a brain yet.  Ben’s highest level of reading was probably a Care Bear coloring book.  Ben, you sucked at life and I think you should have just dated Brad, your predecessor and got it over with.  This reminds me of an old movie I used to watch as a kid where one of the characters didn’t have a brain and needed to find one…  I can’t think of it.  Ah I remember now, it was the Wizard of Oz.  Ben deserved a role in the Wizard of Oz, not on a show designed to make finding love easy.  That would have been a more practical fit for such a smart guy.  🙂

Or,

Maybe he should have joined Christian Mingle like I did.  Honestly, I have not had one single one night stand because of that site yet, but I feel confident that I will find love because I have had a bunch of sweet ads flashed in my face and my cash has been taken by some corporate database which houses people’s information i.e. name, sex, location, contact info, credit card #’s, and some background.  Ground breaking, huh?  Like Facebook, but for Christians who can’t find love.  I like this idea.  Maybe someone will catch on and see what they are really doing with all that good stuff, all that knowledge.  I mean they are finding you the love of your life (right?), and it is in the Holy one’s name by golly(right?).  I am beginning to think I am wasting my time and money on this dating site crap though, and maybe even my privacy, or maybe even my identity with the real world.  I haven’t been outside in awhile.  I haven’t taken a walk in months.  I had high hopes though.  I wanted to find God’s specific match for me.  I’ll wait a few more hours for an update, a word, maybe a special someone will notify me of their devotion and intent to find love.  Fuck it, I think I’ll convert to Hedonism.

***

The Bachelor is a piece of work, but it is also a piece of shit.  The only thing this show has to offer is a glimpse into how caddy, cruel, and materialistic women can get when in competition for said love with selected mate(vise versa with men).

Really?  If you want to find love look in a mirror and appreciate the person you see, or just masterbate more.  You owe it to yourself, and everyone around you, and to your towels.

You want to know how to meet someone?  Appreciate yourself, build your confidence, respect yourself and then people will start to notice and you will be what they want.  People are attracted to successful and confident people.  I know this because I know this.

After you reach a goal have another one ready.

(There is some advice you won’t get from The Bachelor that is way more beneficial to your life.)

The Bachelor begs those who watch it assume that the situation presented is a reality, like this situation is real, when in actuality it is just a farce.  People may think, “Oh, if this happens to me then it is fine because I saw it on The Bachelor, and Ben said it was okay.”  -Yeah, sure, Miss. Thanks for lowering the bar Ben, no one can compete with your stupidity.  Now I have to act like an idiot to pull a girlfriend.

The Bachelor is a blueprint for failed relationship scams and drastically lowered courtship standards broadcast to average people throughout America.  Defining and labeling love only devalues it, and what it stands for.  Get real.  Get fucking real.

Boycott The Bachelor and read a book, or read almost all 100 of my soon to be finished blog posts.

Here is a little story:

If I were on The Bachelor it would go like this:

I would vote off every girl who said something stupid and/or didn’t make me dinner after sex.  I would force them to watch Tosh.0 with me until I was completely satisfied with the amount of laughs I have had.  I would make them withdrawal all of their life savings and give it to me so I could buy large amounts of Powerball tickets, beer, weed, sports cars, and vintage clothing at Goodwill.   Then just when every girl would think she was about to get voted off I would blindfold all of them, I would back a dump-truck full of the fucking most beautiful roses into the room and dump them on the blindfolded girls, from behind.  After the girls came out of their comas, I would gather them in a room to reveal to them yet another secret that no one suspected:  I would tell them that everyone would be staying until the very end; however, the finale, where we get married (and ultimately honeymoon at, on the their dime), would most certainly be in Utah, and in a cheap motel, because of the loose polygamy laws and effect.  No one would get voted off because competition for love is cruel and mean, and everyone deserves to win and we would be husband and wives.   Win win.

End of story.

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About Terry Scott Niebeling

Hello, My name is Terry Scott, a human being with flaws. twitter: @sirterryscott Buy my ebooks: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1/191-4788099-1818040?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=terry+scott+niebeling
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