Try Not to Judge

SONY DSCDependency issues, snot and tears to tissue.

I realize most of my thoughts hang on the media, but most won’t google or wikipedia…  For clear idea.

***

Like a coward I saw him on the street and yelled “BULLSHIT” as I passed.  He looked up and watched me ride by.  I stopped at a light.  He kept staring at me.  I made my hand into a phone, put it to my cheek, and mouthed ‘call me’.  We locked eyes intensely, he flicked me off and mouthed something like, “Fuck you…Wha’d You Say?!?!”

No more judgement.

Next day, the dude came up on me as I had my back turned.  He said, “What did you say to me yesterday?”  -Plain as fucking day.  He was a big man in a dirty suit, he had on gold tooth and he gave me a smile that said he would LOVE to bash my teeth in.  And I deserved it, I was a total dick to him the day before.  I called him out on an assumption I had made during an encounter from my past.  Scam artists, I thought.  You know, they have a problem, and they hang outside of the liquor stores and such.  This and that, which was none of my fucking business anyway.  So we meet again, I guess…

My bike was locked this time, the tables had turned.  I walked very close to him.  Face to face, almost.  It was confrontational.  Inches apart, he almost backed up, but actually he moved closer.

I told him the truth.  I was quick to judge.  I started explaining myself almost to tears.  I was not afraid of him, or what might happen to me.  I was afraid of what I had become.  I was judgmental in a way that was almost unforgiving.  I almost faded out mid sentence.  I looked him in the eyes.  He stopped me at ‘this and that’.

I told him I had seen it before.  I realized I had no argument.  I did not know him, nor had ever seen him until yesterday.  I did not understand him as a person, therefore I could not label him accordingly.

He looked at me.  I stopped dead in my tracks-words in my mouth, and I said I was sorry.  He looked confused.  Correction, he looked very confused.  I put my hand out and with a tear in my eye I said I was sorry.  I told him that I was truly sorry for judging him.  It was none of my business what he was doing on the corner asking people for money, and I shouldn’t have said anything.  He shook my hand and looked at me and said, “It’s okay.”

I told him my grandfather had passed two days before, tears were coming down my face now.  I told him I was sorry I took it out on him.  He looked at me and told me I could come over to his apartment if I needed anything.  I looked at him and asked for a hug.  He hugged me.  We hugged on the sidewalk in front of Folwell Hall near the bike racks.  The sun was out and I was done.  I felt defeated with my anger.  I wanted a cigarette.

Our embrace ended and he pointed at me, and with a smile he said, “God Bless.”  I was confused.  Correction, I was very confused.  I looked down and around.  I looked at the naked trees and the leaves on the ground, the cars going by, and the students entering and exiting buildings.  I watched people smoke while they waited for the bus.  He walked down the block, looking around, he didn’t stop.  He didn’t approach anyone.  He just kept walking.  I put my hand up to block the sunlight.  My judgement and anger had taken advantage of me, but it taught me a lesson.  I am only as good as the people I judge, and there is nothing in my judgement.

 

Everyone is the same,

And I am no better.

Advertisements

About Terry Scott Niebeling

Hello, My name is Terry Scott, a human being with flaws. twitter: @sirterryscott Buy my ebooks: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1/191-4788099-1818040?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=terry+scott+niebeling
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s