Again I sit here thinking about why America helps other countries so much (well… tries to) but doesn’t help itself… Doesn’t America know by making America better it will make everyone else better too? I mean it’s so logical. We can all walk outside to get a coffee in the morning, we can all complain about our shitty dead-end jobs, and we can all talk poorly about our lifestyles, and the lifestyles of others, wishing for a change, but when the time comes to make progress in a different direction what do we do?
Ahhhh… Fuck it, we freeze up. I’d rather watch the telly, I’d rather clean the house I am renting-which seems to always be dirty, I’d rather sit on my ass and listen to MPR News, or The Current, or hit Facebook, or Reddit. Anything social media danke! I guess I would rather do all of that then realize by helping myself I help out everyone around me.
I mean, but maybe I would just rather talk about it. Like talking about being a writer, or talking about being a student, or talking about being a teacher, or talking about being an artist…
Then comes the questions of what you actually do- Maybe you are just an excuse maker, maybe you are just a talker, maybe you are a performance artist pretending to be something that you talk about all the time. I have said this before, so maybe I am just a horribly bad lottery player, maybe I am a hopeologist, maybe it doesn’t matter because actions speak louder than words. I can say I am nothing, but I am most likely a human being.
And there is this sick confusion: Oh, well, we need to help others, why we can’t do that first? We can’t give you these freedoms because we need to focus on this far off land. Fuck, I don’t even know if some of these countries are real or fiction, because they seem awfully exaggerated to me. Seems like we are trying to help countries which exist in Disney Land. This while everyone is busy trying to be something of which they describe to people, you know, rather than just being. I am a cartoon, color me colors.
Someday I will be a writer… But what am I doing right now? … I am totally confused. I need to stop typing words into sentences on this computer. I need to stop shaping ideas.
This is not a surprise, everyone is totally confused. Maybe it’s because of what we are bombarded with on a daily basis; shit ads in all of the newspapers, fucking corporations trying to filter content, ten million soundbites on the radio telling us where to shop, where and when to donate, and to what entity; what’s cool, how to be a thoughtful citizen, how to contribute to society. This is all done by amateur marketing agencies cornering the market based on our need to be plugged into something-whatever. How weird. Maybe nothing exists.
Nah… I am too busy throwing those rags in the trash, turning the dial in attempt to pick up a signal from aliens so I can get the fuck out of here. I think if I listen to David Bowie’s “Starman” a million times in one day I could listen to it one more time, and it might not be enough. The same goes for Oasis’s “Don’t look back in Anger”, and some of Tools earlier stuff, maybe “Sober”. I can relate.
Confused yet? I am.
If I broadcast to you what I thought you should think non-stop all day, then would you have any of your own thoughts? Would you be able to do things without being influenced by my ideas? You get in your car, you turn on the radio, I’m there. You wake up, you check your phone to see what you have missed, I’m there. When you find nothing, no radio signal, no message on your screen, no me, you search for more. I am trivial bullshit.
People want all of these things-
But do they ever search for seclusion? Search for peace, harmony, or obvious practicalities. It’s not enough to have everything you want, or what you think you want, and still want to change others. I think that is basically losing control of one’s self. Maybe our country has lost control of itself…
This ever present confusion stems from a lot of different influences. Some of the main influences of major problems in America begin with money. No one really has money, I mean we all know the top one percent has money, but the rest of us don’t… Or so we think. Does it matter? No. You want to know why? Because the government made up the concept of money to keep people in check (just kidding, relax). No. Because I have been worried about money most of my life, and when I came close to being out of money my situation changed every time and I avoided being homeless, jobless, and/or penniless. As a matter of fact I am so rich now that I collect pennies, specifically pennies I find on the ground. I have a large glass growler full of pennies. I will never be penniless. Here I go on a tangent, but why is this important, why care? Because we have to realize nothing ever gets as bad as the media, or anyone else, says it will. And if it does we are all fucked anyway! I mean the government obviates such easy income opportunities, in relation to taxation; they sanction marijuana, they don’t sell booze on Sunday (in MN), they make citizens believe that they need to use such things as cars and natural resources to exist, but in reality they don’t. And why does this happen? I’d say because it’s all a big game.
Someone once told me I could make a test as hard as I want to make it, or I could make it as easy as I want to make it. I spent about an hour staring through a computer screen. I am pretty sure I burnt a hole in my brain. I was making the test hard. I almost started crying. I told that someone that I was having difficulties. He told me I was trying to hard. I stopped. I sat back down and the evil wizard on the screen instantly became my friend. He was a fucking evil clown wizard at first (really hard), and now he had somehow turned into Gandalf the Awesome. I breezed through the test. It wasn’t that the test was hard, or the problem was hard. What was making it hard was the way I went about it. I had to take a different approach. I heard the word test, from past experience I think that it’s going to be hard. I had to see in between the lines rather than to stare through them blankly. Things don’t just happen, but sometimes things do. What is fucked is when people do things out of fear though, when they otherwise would have been better off just leaving it alone. That is why it is highly important to watch what you put inside your head. You wouldn’t put poison inside of your body, would you? So why would you fill your mind with shit?
I just want to say that I think people should get out and open their minds to the idea of change, of openness, of the ability to make a difference without going out of the way and trying too hard. I might find a penny on the ground and feel better, or make a test easier by thinking it is actually an easy test. Mindset changes things, everything. Your thoughts make you who you are, not your words or labels. If you don’t believe in yourself then who will?
My mother always told me, “If you can’t please yourself, who can?” I always thought that was about relationships, or jerking off (exclusively). I found out I was moderately right. I think the same thing about other countries. I think America needs to do more for America, and stop fucking about with clandestine operations for natural resources, killing sprees on foreign soil, and dicking about creating laws against freedom and the American Dream. I think if the government wants to make things hard, it can, and I think idiots in this nation will believe there is incredible hardship, they will; however, I think if people want to back legitimate progress then they can do that as well. We make the test as easy as we want to make it. Ya know? And what would news anchors do without anything to talk about?