Something tells me I may have to pick up a bad habit again, that habit being smoking. I’ll have to pick this up to have a conversation with the most influential thinker I have ever met: Q. I. His initials are I.Q. backward, who would have thought. I caught on to this concept as L. asked if he would like to share a “smoke” after class, with her. Short, cute, with many features. Before, I had been told he was a smoker- just in passing. This fact is apparently true now, but I do not know. It has yet to be empirically scanned by my eyes. I have time though; there are a few weeks of spring semester left. I may buy a pack of cigarettes this evening. May…
As I walk from the Campus Connector I note the girl wearing a push-up bra walking next to me, and then past. An old man on the bus observed her up and down, for a long time really, she didn’t seem to mind. She pulled out her phone and immediately slowed down, she became transfixed. I can’t believe some people, walking and texting all at the same time. They shut down like zombies when they get a notification. No wonder why some people avoid having these contraptions anyway. Anyway, I walked past her. She was looking down, her breasts, or the tops of them rather, were poking out. She had no clue, no sun to warn her of the exposure. She would receive no sunburn from this activity. Her phone was her focus. I walked past again, we had (again) traded positions, and then I was gone. I walked up to the VM doors and, glancing back not noticing anyone I moved in without holding the door. I would normally do this as common courtesy, but today there was nothing common or courteous about my commute.
Another Night on Desk,
No one comes into the Library at 10 pm at night, especially for books. This time it is for study only. The desk is a desolate waste land of paper, rubber bands, book checking machines, computers, and newspapers. I sit here. My elbows rest below as my eyes threaten to escape my face above. I can feel the sweat on my forehead bead up from the hot stale air and I have nothing to say about it. There is no one to tell. I can’t move. I have checked Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, and other social media at least 10 different times in ten different ways, there is no change. My phone won’t stop buzzing, my mouth is parched, the chair I sit in reclines while my feet hardly reach the floor. I sit here waiting, typing, attempting to read while not pissing my pants. Everyone wants to know how late we are open tonight, I think it’s too late.
The only thing that saves me is I know I have to study for finals. I am happy to take the shift if it allots me time to take advantage of study; however, I know most of the material, and focusing is harder than it seems when you have all the time in the world and nothing to do. I think my ADHD is working in reverse. I am so interested in everything that I am interested in nothing. I can only look at something for a moment. I pick up a book, I put a book down, I pick up my phone, I put my phone down, I look at the computer, the screen turns off, and I look away. The clock ticks, but only so slowly. I can smell the rain, but I can’t see it because some structures lack windows. I can see an elevator, an entry way, and a brick wall. I have to sit here for another 2 hours. I do not have the foresight of “It’s a trap!” I am in it already. Thanks in advance. I am not complaining I am just expressing my perspective.
People can look up things… Most people can look up how to do things on Google, or even find a video on Youtube of how to do just about anything. Life is easy, finding and using the right tool is hard. Most people overthink it. They say to themselves, ‘This is the problem and this is the solution.’ There is one right way. But really, they are wrong. The only way to look at a problem is thoroughly. If you do it any other way you are cheating yourself out of a constructive and desirable answer. One might search online, on Google, or Youtube how to make a ****. One might find the answer. Then ****. What happens then?
Something whatever ****
Music and Memory,
If I had a million dollars, these are first lyrics to a song that will forever make me think of the great time I shared with German 1001 and 1002, with K.K., and with other familiar peers. One thing a song lends to any experience is a lasting melody in the form of memory, something I can hum which instantly causes me to reflect on the situation; the 8 am classes, Monday through Friday, the tests, the plays, the quizzes, the energy, the early mornings I made when I didn’t want to make it. This song to me from now on will symbolize the struggle of a morning wake, when one could so easily have stayed in bed, sleep the day away. Here I accomplished more than I would ever be able to properly thank a person for; a foreign language, or one that is becoming more native. There is a priceless experience, and the moment you realize it is too late. Your eyes swell up, a fleeting feeling presents itself within your stomach and then it is gone, until the next moment. Those mornings, each and every one, made up a whole that will be with me until the day I am dust. The days sitting in class with a stomachache while reeling from sleep apnea and thoughts of failing the next quiz, or even the mid-term, maybe even the final. All of these ideas exist as one now, and will always. They start with a Wie gehts du? From the first day, literally translated to how are you? Interesting I want to ask my American English speaking friends every time I see them, but I won’t get much more than a confused looked. Most don’t know. I didn’t. Now I know. I will be ever thankful. I don’t even need a million dollars to feel this good, I just do.
Final Self-Reflection Essay
At this point in the semester the skills I feel most confident with are reading and interpreting Deutsch, along with forming a plan of understanding, and pursing that knowledge. I feel that throughout the semester I have been given insight into German culture and a basic groundwork for adequately utilizing this second language. I am very confident in my ability to search and find-out information I need through the resources given i.e. leo.org, Wende Textbook, and German reading materials. I am moderately confident with cases and gender forms of words, and sentence structure.
Skills that I may need to improve upon include, but are not limited to: sentence structure and proper word endings, in relation to case and gender. I feel I have improved much on these since last semester; however, I still need to make further improvements to command the language with greater ease.
Looking back I realize there is no end point to my goal, because I will be constantly challenged with learning new forms and meanings. I believe I have come to the point that I wished to have come to by the end of this semester learning-wise. I am pleased with the comfort I have attained in understanding the material presented. I am more able to find resources and search out answers to questions because of methods I have learned throughout the semester. I feel that I have accomplished my goal thus far.
In the beginning of the semester I wrote that I was worried about “nothing”. I would have to agree with this still, save for one element, the final. I am moderately concerned with the final, because who isn’t, and there is much to be tested on. I am positively excited to be through with the semester as a whole, but looking back I learned so much that not waking up at 6 am to be in class by 8 am will be a bit saddening. I truly enjoyed the challenge, and I am still worried about “nothing”.
I am pleased with my overall performance in the course. I made my best effort to make it to every class session on time and well prepared. What worked for me to realize this performance was my sheer perseverance and tenacity to get out of bed in the morning; coffee and breakfast with much water are some sources I will cite for this miraculous ability. I think the best catalyst for maintaining the degree of effort placed within the course was related to the time I spent outside of class researching and following a trail of interest to a new concepts and ideas. Never settling and constantly moving forward is one of the best ways to maintain knowledge and garner an understanding.
The Worst Memory Ever (completely unrelated),
I didn’t want to tell this story, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It was: the guy, the bike ride, that night. We were in La Crosse, for sure, the south side by Marcus Theater. Really, it comes from taking a German quiz this morning at 8 am. Someone sat in the class moderately hungover and tried to transcribe, interpret, and command elementary foreign language skills. Let’s just say I did not fail. The sun begged everyone inside to leave their seats and go outside: ‘Ahhh…. Fuck it’. That is the kind of stuff it made you think. All of the girls in class showed up, they spoke. Some of the guys showed up, they also spoke really loud. I sat in the corner after finding my desk, after running into things. This clumsy apathy carries one a long way; to a four-year college, University, to a nice job, to a nice apartment, to an impressive ideology, and to an amazing girlfriend. Did I mention I am an intellectual? Plopped down on my black and grey plastic desk, one piece. Doing so, I pushed all other desks away- far away- I love personal space. Charlie made a quip and Kaitlin spoke of her long long long long day, very long. Something else was on my mind. What was on my mind was not unlike Yeats’ Among School Children; I thought of this one time at the bar. Dan was there. Christine was there. I had to call him. After the quiz, after the walk, after the phone chat and noticing someone in distress, and after the fucking awesome banana (which I ate in the sun), after grabbing a paper, a coffee, proposing an idea, and after watching the Campus Connector pass I called Dan about my thoughts. After the thanks for the “glowing review” I wrote for my favorite coffee shop on Yelp. He answered. We spoke of John Lennon, Imagine. We both said something like, “Imagine War… Imagine Peace…. Imagine Purple underwear underneath, I sang that part at the bus stop in the shade. Dan laughed. People walked away. I asked him if he remembered, “Do you remember that one time when we were at that bar in La Crosse… We biked there… It was in South… Remember how we sat down and I looked across the room… We were there with Christine and some of her friends… It was like 2 years ago… Something like that… And we panned across the room… That’s when I saw it. Straight ahead, the guy in the black and bejeweled Affliction shirt, just below it sat -there exposed- was a purple whale tail, a fucking thong; the guy was wearing a purple thong…” And I thought to myself, I hope it’s not a first date. That would be awkward. I mean, how do you explain that? Dan didn’t remember…